do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
