First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
NoShamevember. You game?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize