Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
