Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
