wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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