Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
