so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
