now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
