she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
