im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize