OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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