YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
