Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
