Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
