Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
