One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
