I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
