She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
