"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you will always have a special place in my vag
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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