I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's official drugs can't kill me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
