Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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