I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
