And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
