I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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