He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
