I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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