One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
