Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
