She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
