Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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