did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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