when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
