This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
