my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
