u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
