i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
