My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
