I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
