It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
