is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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