I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
