The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize