Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
