Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
