Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
