pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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