Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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