Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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