you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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