woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
