she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
