She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
