yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
