Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
