Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
