party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
