WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
