my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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