Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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