well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize