All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
