Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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